3 Years Post-Grad
What Nobody Told Me
I cannot believe it’s been almost 3 year since I graduated. And I have a lot of feelings about it. Some things I expected, some things that blindsided me completely, and some things I wish someone had told me before I walked across that stage thinking I had it all figured out.
This one is for anyone who’s about to graduate, anyone who’s already post-grad and feels like they’re somehow doing it wrong, and anyone who just wants to feel a little less alone in the messy, weird, exciting, terrifying transition that is your early 20s.
Making Friends Is Harder Than Anyone Tells You
I made an podcast before graduating where I basically said I’d just go to workout classes and compliment the girl next to me and instantly have a whole friend group. That was delusional of me and I say that with full love for my former self.
What I didn’t account for was time. Real friendship, the kind where you can sit in comfortable silence, where you know each other’s stories, where you don’t have to be “on” every time you hang out, takes hundreds of hours to build. You can’t rush it. And when you’re working full time, trying to build a career, managing adult responsibilities, you have significantly less free time than you did in college, which means those hours accumulate slower.
But here’s what worked for me:
I reached out first, every time. I DMed people I found on Instagram who seemed like they lived nearby and had similar interests. I messaged girls from TikTok. I went to every event I could find, walk clubs, run clubs, book clubs, Pilates events. I showed up even when I didn’t know anyone. And I kept showing up, because that’s when people start to recognize you, remember you, and eventually want to grab coffee.
I joined things where I’d see the same people repeatedly. This is the key difference between a workout class you drop into once and a weekly run club you commit to. Consistency is what builds familiarity, and familiarity is what eventually turns into actual friendship. I joined a run club that met every week in the summer, I’m not even a huge runner but I went consistently because I knew that was how it would work.
I started a book club. This has become one of my favorite parts of my life here. Seeing the same women once a month, having conversations about something we all read, and building a shared experience over time, it's one of the most natural friend-making environments I've found as an adult. We're currently reading The Mistake (off campus book#2), and I have to say, I liked the first book more. This one has felt a little anticlimactic, but it's still a super easy, enjoyable read. It also has a little less smut than book 1, if that's something you care about.
I let the rejection roll off me. Sometimes I’d follow someone or reach out and nothing came of it. That’s okay. It just means we weren’t the right fit and it’s better to find that out before you’ve invested months into the friendship.
One of the most important reframes I’ve had in the last year is community is more important than your career. More important than how much money you’re making. When I looked up at almost a year post-grad and realized I’d been working 70-hour weeks between my jobs, my podcast, and my social media and my social life had taken the back seat, that didn’t feel like success. Your 20s are for finding your people. Don’t let the grind eat the entire decade.
I spent so much of senior year hearing people talk about their post-grad salaries. Everyone had a number. Six figures. $70k. $90k. And I did not know that entry-level jobs in most fields pay significantly less than what we all convinced ourselves they’d pay. Almost everyone I know who graduated into communications, marketing, or similar fields has 2 jobs just to afford their life. That’s not a personal failure, it’s just the reality of the job market right now and it’s worth knowing before you walk out of graduation expecting a certain income.
Here’s the advice that actually helped me. Have a job that pays your rent, and have a job that builds your resume.
They don’t have to be the same job. One of my friends was panicking about post-grad finances and I told her: go serve tables, make good money, and spend that time also building something that’s actually moving you toward what you want. Serving is not a step backward. It’s a funding mechanism. Some of the most ambitious people I know have served tables or bartended while building something on the side, because it gave them the financial breathing room to not take a terrible corporate job out of desperation.
The people you meet through a job, even a job that feels below your qualifications can change everything. I met the person who got me my current job through a connection I never would have made if I’d been holding out for the “right” corporate role. Networks are built in unexpected places.
Your 20s are statistically when you’re going to make the least money of your career. That is normal. Comparing yourself to the tiny percentage of people your age who are traveling full-time on brand deals or making six figures at 22 is comparing your beginning to someone else’s highlight reel. Most people our age are figuring it out too, they’re just not posting about it.
The FOMO Is Real
I graduated early, which meant all my friends were still in college for a year after I left. I had a lot of FOMO. I kept thinking, did I not make enough memories? Did I not do enough? Did I make the wrong choice?
And then I’d remind myself that when I was there, I wanted out. I had real reasons. And I was right.
But the FOMO taught me something. What I was actually missing was time. In college, I had an almost embarrassing amount of free time. I barely went to class. I could do whatever I wanted most of the day. I went to Europe. I read books. I worked out whenever I felt like it. I didn’t realize how much of that I was taking for granted until it was gone and I was working 11-hour days.
If you’re still in college reading this, I say this with so much love, please stop being in a hurry to leave. The real world is great and I love my life now, but you will never have as much free time as you have right now. Join the weird elective. Join the intramural sport. Take the surfboard-making class, the pottery class, the adult gymnastics thing. Go to the events that feel silly. Say yes to more than you think you should. The FOMO runs both directions, and one day you’ll be at your desk job wishing you’d gone to that random Thursday afternoon thing your friend invited you to sophomore year.
Living Alone Is One of the Best Things I’ve Ever Done
I didn’t know how much I needed my own space until I had it.
Living alone after college is transformative. Coming home to your space exactly the way you left it. No one else’s energy to manage. Total control over your environment, your quiet, your routine. I am at more peace in my apartment than I have been anywhere I’ve lived.
I know that’s not realistic for most people. But if you can make it work for even a year, I think it does something for your relationship with yourself that’s really hard to replicate any other way. You figure out who you actually are when nobody else is around. What you like, how you want to spend your time, what environment makes you feel good.
Hobbies Are Not Optional
This is one I feel strongly about because it’s easy to let hobbies disappear entirely post-grad when work takes over.
In college, your social life is built in. There are always things to go to, people around, activities happening. Post-grad, if you don’t intentionally create the things you enjoy, your life outside of work can become weirdly empty. Work, come home, scroll, sleep. That’s not a life.
Find the things that have nothing to do with productivity or making money and protect them. Reading. Pickleball. Coloring in a coloring book. Surfing badly. Walking with your dog. Going to a workout class you love. These are not frivolous, they’re the things that make you a full person with a life outside of your output.
And hobbies are one of the best ways to meet people. Suggesting a shared activity to a new potential friend is so much lower stakes than “do you want to hang out?”, it gives you something to do together and makes the whole thing feel natural. Next time you want to see someone new, suggest a walk, a pottery class, paddle boarding. It’s infinitely less awkward and more likely to actually happen.
I wouldn’t go back to college if I could. I want to be clear about that. I love my life right now more than I loved my life in college, and I think I made the right call leaving when I did. But here’s what I wish I’d known going in:
The first year is just hard. Not because you did anything wrong, but because everything is new and you haven’t had time to build anything yet. Your friend group, your sense of place, your financial footing, your confidence in your career, all of it takes time. Give yourself the year to figure it out before you decide you’ve failed at post-grad.
The anxiety you feel about not being where you thought you’d be? Almost everyone feels it. The friend group you haven’t built yet? It’s coming. The job situation that doesn’t look like what you imagined? That’s more normal than social media would have you believe.
And the things that actually make your life good is community, time spent doing things you love, relationships that feel easy and safe. Those are worth prioritizing at least as much as your career, maybe more.
You’re going to figure it out. You’re in the middle of it right now, which is why it’s hard. The middle always looks like nothing is working before you can see that everything was coming together.